Starting the race in last place.

When I was little I was the blonde haired, blue eyed kid who sat in the corner with the Devil may care smile my guaranteed ticket out of trouble! I was always picked last for the team, the last in the cue and the one falling over my little blue boots. I always had scabs on my knees, knots in my hair and finger nails bitten to the kwick. The girls didn't like me cos i didn't like Barbie! The boys kicked footballs at me until i joined the team! I never stood out I was just your average plain Jane. I'd go so far as to say I was somewhat invisible.
As I grew up it was my friends that were pretty, my friends that got noticed and my friends that got attention from the boys and I, well I just stayed invisible.
I've noticed recently that almost my entire life I've been for the benefit of everybody else almost completely invisible. My best friend in school quite frankly looked like a frog, wide faced, a little bit squishy but everybody noticed her, she had a 5'8'' frame with not so much as an inch to pinch and was always immaculately manicured (Something I noticed she still is when I was sat at 9:00am in the morning in a petrol station last week in just my trackies and my bed hair!!!), she's the kind of girl men pass off as high maintainence but you know damn well they'd more than pay the price to be with her. In school I was the price to pay, the one that made her look good! (and believe me you have no idea just how hard I had to work at that!!!) But I forever made myself invisible when the guys leaned past me to talk to her, and I "forgot" about the time her "amazing" first boyfriend kissed me then asked me to ask her out!!! All of the time just faded to the background.
My first year of secondary school was spent by myself because one girl actually wanted me to BE invisible so that she could become best friends with what felt like the only friend I had, but I did it I went and sat by myself and became all invisible so that she didnt have to feel all upset. Even when I took a bike and a punch to the face and didnt even so much as bleed I just assumed I was that see through both the handle bars and the fist had probably passed right through me, it was the pain that told me they hadn't!!! Even my social networking profile is making me invisible to anyone on its chat facility!
When my first "amazing" boyfriend left it to his friends to come and visit me in hospital after a life saving operation I acted like it was fine, out of sight out of mind, I wasn't so invisible when he got a strop on though! And when he crashed his car into the back of an arctic truck and left me there whilst he made sure the driver of the car we bounced into was ok. 10 whole minutes i was sat there trapped between a central reservation and a crumpled door, it took 2 burly lorry drivers to open it completely invisible whilst my ex chatted the weather and insurance! Made sure I was invisible when it came to giving police statements too!
Then there was the guy after him my simple but honest best mate who knew that I fancied the arse off him and that everybody wanted us to be together but to him it was the invisible fact that he ignored because I wasnt skinny enough for him or able to keep the plastic smile on my face all the time! And as a lovely a guy as he is, its funny how I'm suddenly not all invisible now he's suddenly single again!
And then we get to final situation where even simple things like text messages cant be sent to me whilst the sender is in the presence of someone else because its "rude" funny how its ok for them to be sent whilst with me! and the receivers most likely know nothing of my existence yet theirs is rammed down my throat at every opportunity! And how its so easy to deny me and make me even more disposable and see through as and when it suits and only to be spent time with at the very arse end of night when no one can see me.
I have come to the conclusion that I am with my now dark hair and blue eyes, still sat in the corner with my invisible Devil may care smile, Invisible because thats how I suit everybody! never the keeper always the stepping stone the invisible one that would give a sure footing to the ends of the earth when most wouldnt even go to the end of the street for me, Well lets see then what they think when I show them all how invisible I really can be.