Once again I find myself embarking on yet another "drama" I'm so sick of drama in my life its no wander I quit uni! 5 weeks tomorrow is my 23rd birthday nothing very special just another number however every birthday is special to me because my Mum has always made them so. Every year she finds something new to do for it buys a new decoration or goes all out to decorate the house and make you feel like the most important person in the world just cos its your birthday a tradition I have inherited but pull off in no means the same spectacular fashion. This year though I've felt like the odds have been stacked against me to enjoy this birthday as my friends all have other plans and tomorrow we find out if my Mum who has been there throughout every shit time in my life made everyday as fun and happy as she can as well as every birthday and made right as many of my wrongs as she humanly could, has cancer.
By no means should anyone get me wrong my birthday is in fact neither here nor there, I would in fact trade a lifetime of birthdays if it meant she didn't have it and I have to admit since last wednesday I have been thinking very long and very hard about whats important in my life now and what happens should the worst be the case tomorrow, almost everything has been put into some kind of perspective and all the trivial things that caused me chagrin before have somewhat disappeared and the need for people in my life that I can rely on and who actually give an ounce of a crap has become important, not that I expect for any of the relationships I have with people to change but I've found myself becoming bored with people who have excuses for everything and people who dont know what they've got until its gone I'm getting annoyed at even small displays of blasaity everything tiny thing around me is having an effect on me at the moment I dont want to miss a single minute of anything but its being ruined by people who are all too willing to throw everything away. I can see that the next few months are probably going to be much harder than I first anticipated but for the sake of staying as strong as I possibly can I'm cutting all the crap out of my life I am now more than aware of the smaller things in life that have more meaning than grand gestures, I hold my hands up and confess I have and I do take things for granted but from now on I've got to concentrate on the things that are actually important even if she's fine I've had one hell of a wake up call.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment