Catch 22

On the 9th December its my mates birthday, for it I fully intend to buy him the worlds biggest gobstopper! I mean its gonna be huge cos then maybe he'll keep his mouth shut long enough!!! I cant say that I'm super pissed off or anything cos I know damn well he didnt act on any malicious impulse however irritation is what I'm closest to because whilst I'm being told not to worry its sort of a bit more complicated than that cos whilst I'm not able to explain myself I feel like a rabbit in headlights. I'm sort of torn between this pin badge heart on my sleeve and the impulse to crawl into a little ball and hide. I just wish sometimes that I can be left to live in my own way because its easier for me. Now as I say I'm wide out in the open where I'm just waiting to be shot down, I can actually almost hear the clock ticking on me. Whilst I'm not going to get angry I mean lets be realistic whats getting angry going to achieve? I do sort of feel like I should say something and that I should be allowed to say something because why should I be the only one to be sat here feeling vulnerable, again, cos thats exactly why I hadnt shot my own mouth off! Talk about awkward I am almost glad at the moment that I feel like I'm being avoided!
However I am an adult and the best thing I think I can do is hold my head up (and possibly my hands!) and live with it I just wish that sometimes people would think about the consequences of their actions particularly when they dont have to deal with them themselves, after all its not like I actually had a choice in the first place.